tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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