I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
