you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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