I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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