i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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