It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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