I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
