I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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