Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
