Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
my poor anus
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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