its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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