I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
