It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
