Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
zippers are such a cool invention
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
