Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
