You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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