So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
