I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
