the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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