i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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