dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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