thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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