i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
