at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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