I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
