I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
