Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I just shit out all my problems.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
