my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
