I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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