I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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