i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
