Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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