why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
