I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
