her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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