Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
