Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's even glitter on my cock...
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