wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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