mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
