I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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