Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Randomize
