Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
