@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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