im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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