Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
