I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
