I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
