I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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