careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
