the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
