I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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