just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
