please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
